Horny Utahans

There are several things I dislike about Utahan. My pleasant experiences in Utah often do not include the Utahan. The traffic is among the worst in the world. In Tommyknockers by Steven King, a character sums it up in what I still believe as an accurate portrayal of the mentality of the majority of Utahans.

My complaint today involves the automobile horn. What is the fascination with this useless device? Not a day goes by in Satan George, Utah without several people honking there car horn. Why?

I never have understood this. I've owned cars most of my “adult” life, and never honked the horn except by accident. I disconnected the damn thing of my last car, and did just fine without it. Yet here in Utah, it almost a religious act. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ, I can assure you that despite the overwhelming evidence suggesting otherwise, honking the car horn is not a ceremony reflecting the religion.

The fact of the matter is, that no matter why these idiots honk their horn, the horn itself has no purpose on the car in the first place. Why is it even being installed in the first place? Horns are a major disruption of the peace and quiet so many people deserve and respect, so why even have a horn on the car at all? It has nothing to do with the proper function of the vehicle, like a tire, or a steering wheel.

I propose the removal of all automobile horns from the manufacture of all new cars. Anyone with me? It is my understanding that at least one city in the States of America has already passed (illegally of course) ordinances against honking. So I know its not just me.